me

I'm a pretty list-y person, and today was no exception.

This morning after I got home from Mission Prep (which starts at a bright-and-early 7:30 am), I took a  Sunday morning nap.
As much as I try to not make them habitual, it is kind of necessary after staying up till 2:45 am on a Friday night playing games with your hilarious aunts, uncles, and cousins -- then again, almost anything is hilarious at that time of night!

After I woke up, I just kinda laid in bed and thought.
Note to self: laying in a comfy bed with sunlight shining through your window is a great place to do some serious thinking.
I started to think about me - where I'm at right now, what is coming up in these next few weeks, what I want to become.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely like myself all right. But at the same time, I don't want to stay the me that I am right now forever. I'd miss the point of life.
It is so intriguing to me to look back and see how I used to be and see how much I've changed, or even how much I haven't changed.

The thing is, there is so much I want to do and become. I feel like there is this huge chasm between Junior year in high school and Freshman year in college - it's called Senior year.
Somehow I have to span it, but it's completely up to me how it do it. Do I sprout wings and fly across? Do I build a bridge or do I trip to the bottom?
I don't want to look back at this year as a waste of my time, but I don't want to work myself so much to death that I miss out on the fun and the memories and the friends.

Basically, I'm afraid to do it wrong. But if I let these fears consume me, then I will do it wrong.

So. That's why I made my lists today.

I took a look at me.
I took a look at the people that I admire. The people who look like they are at the places that I want to be, the people who have the qualities that I want to have.
I read some of the quotes on my wall that inspire me to be better.

I thought about the me I'm going to be in two years - is that what I want?
By what I'm doing now, am I getting what I want? And not just getting what I want -- am I in those places so that my Heavenly Father can shape me into what He wants?

And then, I made my list.

I wrote down things I want to have done, qualities I want to have, places I want to have been.
Because I've learned that any goal not written down is merely a wish.
Is my future me a wish? No, it will be a reality.

And now you might be wondering....am I going to tell you my list for the future me?

Nope :)

But in July of 2014, if you still know me, come and talk to me. See if I'm different. See if you can tell what my list was.

Because I am going to use these next two years of my life to make me better than I am now.
Because while I like the me I am today, it is not the me that I want to be forever.

And when I become that new me, it'll simply be time to make another list.
Because after all, lists are what I do best :)