Ancient.

Today I feel ancient.

Not the achy or painful kind of ancient, just the unbelievably old sort of thing.

Lately I keep getting all of these thoughts like "I am WAY to young to be doing something like this!" or "this isn't supposed to be happening for a few more years!"

Well, apparently not, because life just seems to be whizzing by.

It is scary to think that a lot of my friends will be done with high school in the next two months. Some of them are going to college - they are finding their new housing, planning their schedules, and getting scholarships. Some of them could be on missions in less than six months! I know that they are older than me, but still, it definitely doesn't feel like they are THAT old, or that within the next year, I will be in the exact same position.

Not only do I feel old because of my other friends, but also just from stuff that is happening in my life. For example, last week I drove on the freeway 6 times without a parent - crazy! I feel like I have so much freedom, and so many new opportunities because of it.

Then today I went to the store to get a few last minute things for choir tour (we leave tomorrow!!!). That in and of itself was a little weird; going into Walmart without my Mom or a friend was a first. Not only did I buy the things I needed, but at the cash register, I price matched! Say what?! The guy at the cash register just went on as if everything were normal, but inside I was practically screaming "I'm old! I am so old! I shouldn't be doing this!" When I told my Mom she just laughed and told me I was a mom in training :)

I know this sounds like I don't really like growing up - I promise I do. I love the freedom and the responsibility and the opportunities that I have because of it. I guess it just kind of scares me that it is all going by so fast. Where are my high school years going? How can life pass so quickly? Sometimes I think I almost regret getting older, like I want to stay in high school forever. Recently though, I have come to realize that, well, that's the point of life. To grow, get bigger, get more opportunities, serve more people, and leave my little mark on the world. I can't do that if I am always looking back or am so focused on what happened in the past that I can't live the present to the fullest.

I want to look back on my life and enjoy the memories that I have, but I don't want to be so stuck there that I can't keep moving forward.

This week I have also realized that life is a fragile thing, more delicate than I had ever really thought it could be. There is not a guarantee on how long I'll live, or how much time I'll have with my family members. I hope that I can treat my life as something important, to be handled with care, and not something to just be wasted or passed through. This is my life, and I am going to be who I am meant to be.