Merry Christmas!

Grinches, Princes, and Hearts

     It's kind of funny how the world thinks Christmas is all about getting. When you talk to a little kid about Christmas, you almost always ask "so, what do you want Santa to bring you this year?" or "what do you want for Christmas?"

I think the question should be "what are you giving for Christmas?"

     Christmas has become so commercialized: somehow the world has reworked the birth of Christ into a celebration about expensive presents and Santa Clause to the sound track of chestnuts roasting on open fires, sleigh bells, and reindeer with red noses.

What happened to the true meaning of Christmas?

     We all know the story of the Grinch...

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, 

was singing! Without any presents at all! 

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same! 

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, 

stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

"It came without ribbons! It came without tags! 

It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. 

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. 

Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more.

     Christmas is more than just seeing your name on the tag of a big present under the tree. It's more than tearing off paper and ribbons on Christmas morning and finding some expensive gift that you think you need. And it definitely means "a little bit more."

     Gifts are important, there is no denying that; the season is all about Heavenly Father's gift to us, the gift of His Son. It is a celebration not only of the fact that He was born, but that He lived. That He lived, He loved, and He served. 
     When we give gifts, it's to remember the Ultimate Gift that was given, to show Heavenly Father that we are ever-so-grateful for His Son. It's to honor the Child in the manger, just like the wise men did when they gave their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. It's to share a little bit of your heart with the people that you love.

"What can I give Him, poor as I am?

If I were a wise man, I'd bring a lamb.

If I were a wise man, I do my part.

What can I give Him? Give Him my heart." 

      It is the heart that matters, not the bank account. After all, "Il est tres simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." [It's very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eyes. - Le Petit Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery]

     While bank accounts get smaller when things are given, the heart can only grow; whatever was taken out is refilled with hope, joy, and the desire to give even more! After all...

"It is far better to give than to receive."

How silently, how silentyl

The wondrous gift is giv'n!

So God imparts to human hearts

the blessings of His heav'n.

No ear may hear His coming;

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive Him, still

The dear Christ enters in. 

humor me...

Tonight I've been working on my college applications....what a huge process! I was working on some of the essay questions with my dad when we came across this one:

"Many students apply to more than one church school. What will determine which you attend? Please be specific."

I was so confused on what to write; I mean, that is quite an awkwardly phrased question. My dad was throwing around ideas...

Dad: "I prefer BYU-Provo because of the location and the wide selection of...."

Me: "Returned Missionaries!"

Dad: "Well....I was going to say majors, but I guess that works too!"

.....

Another night my mom was trying to get me to go do my homework. I was kind of dawdling around the kitchen, doing my best to avoid being productive.

Mom: "Ashley, I think you're in a state of denial!"

Me: "Yes, I live in the state of Denial in the city of Procrastination."

yesssssss :)

Anyone want to guess how happy I am right now?

:)

Cosmic Wonders

As a little kid, I thought I was invincible. 

I remember spending recess on the monkey bars, swinging my hands out as far as they could go to reach the next bar. 
I remember crouching on the starting line for the hundred-meter dash on field day, bouncing up and down from anticipation. 
I remember sitting next to my friends in art class, whispering quieter than a mouse because we were all deathly afraid of our teacher. 
Back then, if you asked me what I was going to be, I would have told you I wanted to be an astronaut, hands down. Looking back, I know that is kind of the typical answer for a first grader, but something about soaring through space among the stars and all the wonders of the galaxy was so intriguing to me. The vast expanse of nothing yet everything, the sense of adventure, the sheer wonder of the unknown drew me in.In reality, I knew I wouldn’t ever be an astronaut. 

Outside of my dreams, I am a little bit terrified of new adventures, and going into the unknown kind of scares me a little bit. 
Maybe I wanted to be an astronaut because I was different then, or maybe it was because in my dreams, I wanted to be someone more adventurous. 
But as I’ve grown up, I’ve realized life is an adventure. It’s a vast expanse of emptiness waiting to be filled by all of the memories and light and love that you choose to put into it.
I’m different than I once was; I’m not the same little girl who wanted to be an astronaut. But on a deeper level, maybe I am. Because in reality, aren’t we all just searching for our own adventures?

Looking back, I realize that my life’s adventures have always been controlled by my comfort zones. I’m a little bit timid, conscious of the vastness around me, often unsure whether to plunge my foot into the cosmic wonder or stay as an observer on the outside of life’s beautiful universe. But like I’ve said, I’m not the person that I once was.

In my sophomore year, I was stuck in black hole. Sure, I had friends, but when I was with them, I wasn’t really me. They were good girls, funny and cute and usually polite; they all laughed and talked to boys and thought they were cool. But me, I sat on the edge, watching and being silent and not really being me. Luckily though, the universe pulled me back in before I could get too far out of its reaches of wonder.
I found a group of juniors made up of the most amazing people. They found happiness in life – not the fake, fleeting happiness those other girls thought they had, but real joy, found in having adventures, being spontaneous, making new friends, being kind to others. That’s when I started to become me. 
While I didn’t stop looking through the world’s mirror of what a teenage girl should be, I certainly didn’t care as much. I went back to my little kid ideals, where everything is worthy of amazement, and happiness is an almost everyday occurrence.

In the universe, nothing is ever the same. It is always morphing. Growing, expanding, becoming even more intensely beautiful then you could have ever imagined. And just when you think that it couldn’t get any better, it does. 
The thing about life is that people grow up. They move on, their minds expand, they become more beautiful, whether or not the world can see that kind of beauty. 
My friends moved on. Most of them are graduated, taking their spirit of adventure to new people in new places who need it, just like I did. I’m sure they are out there changing lives. 

Me? I’m still here, but I’m not the same girl I once was. 
My comfort zones have expanded and my universe has grown. I’m not quite to the point of being able to dive into these cosmic wonders with both feet, but I’m realizing that it feels good. I can stand in it, watching the streams of color pass around me feet, the light shine through my skin, out my eyes, and into everything I see. I’m not who I once was.

Maybe someday I will be able to plunge of the world’s diving board into the universe of beauty. But that is an expanse that I can grow into, because you see, I’m not going to be this me forever. In five years, in three months, even in two days, I’m not going to be who I am now. And that’s the good thing about life – there is no limit to the wonder to be found. So even if I’m not wandering through the far reaches of outer space, I can still be wandering through the endless corridors of a wonderful life. Always changing, always growing, always becoming more me than ever before.

...

"Sing to me the song of the stars

of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again

when it feels like my dreams are so far

sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again."

{Only Hope}

best song ever :)

you know, I think I'm doing ok :)

anticipation is rough, and goodbyes are far from easy, but hopeless goodbyes are even worse.
we didn't say goodbye for three years - we didn't even say goodbye for two years.
we simply said goodbye, goodbye until tomorrow.
because tomorrow? I can handle that.
quantifying it into weeks, months, years? not so much.
but missionary work...nothing can top that, nothing at all :)
so now that the goodbyes are over, it's time to be excited :)
time to read about lives that are touched and hearts that change, whether it be his or some person I don't know. maybe if I get lucky, it might even be mine.

crazy.

loosing a best friend is hard, especially when they hold half of your heart in their hands. 

treat it well ok? even if you're 2,166 miles way. 

He's got the whole world in His hands

Today, President Monson announced that the missionary ages have been moved: boys can now go at 18 and girls can go at 19. Talk about a game changer! It is super exciting, but at the same time it has really thrown me for a loop. I’ve always loved missionary work, but I’ve never seriously considered myself going at age 21. I’ve always just thought that if I’m not married and I feel like I should go, then I will. If I don’t go, then I’m definitely planning on a temple/spouse mission. Now though? This change changes everything.
But you know what? I’ve realized something.

My life is not really my own. My life is in the hands of an all-powerful being who loves me and has a plan for me. And you know what else? He knows that plan way better than I do. He knows what I personally need to succeed, He knows my fears and my weaknesses, but He also knows my strengths. And somehow, He will guide me to the decision that is best for me.
If I am supposed to go on a mission? Then my response will be “I’ll go where you want me to go.” I will teach and change lives and spread the joy of the gospel and become a better person and learn and grow and share the love of the Savior.
If I’m not supposed to go on a mission? Then my response will still be “I’ll go where you want me to go.” I will still teach and change lives and spread the joy of the gospel and become a better person and learn and grow and share the love of the Savior, even if it is just in my little sphere of influence.
But regardless, it will be right for me. No matter what others think, that decision is between me and my Heavenly Father, and I can trust that it will be what I need to make this life the best it can be.

Para-para-paradise :)

This is the story of an Adventure of a Lifetime :)

It all started with a once-in-a-life time offer from some amazing people with some amazing connections, and then it just snowballed from there. 

We went out to one of the most beautiful places EVER - it all felt so surreal! The whole day we all kept singing "Paradise" by Coldplay (or the Jon Schmidt/Alex Boye version), and Paradise is definitely one of the best ways to describe it. 

I would definitely say that it was one of the BEST days of my life!

To start of this incredible adventure, we went horseback riding!

This was my Missouri Foxtrotter, Tinkerbell.

She was kinda funny...she would go super fast and then all of a sudden she would go really slow until she decided we were far enough behind the group, and then all of a sudden she'd go fast so we could catch up! All of my "go Tink!"s did not make her budge at all, no matter what my tone was.

Learning how it's done...

Chelsea and Maya, Angi and Boston

Ryan, Lincoln

Clayton, Ashley and Ethan

Happy Trails!

Right after this picture, we went out into the fields on the left, spread out, and let the horses gallop. 

It was so amazing! We all felt like we were in some classic western movie or something - the only thing missing was the sunset :)

Despite Lincoln's best efforts, we couldn't get our horses to all line up neatly - at least we were all relatively clumped close to each other!

4-Wheelers! Probably one of my very favorite parts - we got them going pretty crazy!

We had the girls drive first on the easier trails, and looking back on it, we were pretty timid :) 

As soon as the boys got in control we went lots faster, spinning out all over the place - it was so much fun! As we went along I definitely got a lot braver and my speeds got higher.

The colors were so incredible - it looked like someone had dropped gold coins all over the ground.

 Rappelling! I think almost all of us got at least a little bit freaked out when we first walked over that edge! There was definitely some positive peer pressure involved with this :)

My Momma! She was one of the stars of the day - she kept everything going smoothly. 

Also, a HUGE shout-out to Andrew, Dustin, and Jessica.

Thanks for taking us all over the place, helping us out, and making us some DE-licious food :)

You guys are the best!

Dinner on the back patio...such an incredible view. 

We had the sun going down over the mountain, a little creek running just behind/below us, and brilliant fall colors all around us. 

Some of the best friends anyone could ask for :)

 Thanks for making it one of the best days EVER!!!

*if you click on the pictures, it makes them bigger - just in case you want to get a closer look :)

Our "theme song": 

{Peponi (Schmidt/Boye version of Paradise)}

because we're just cool like that.

sometimes, you just have really good days.

like when you leave school with your best-est friend during lunch and go to her house.
and when you start laughing uncontrollably because you both think her "nacklace" is nicely coordinated with her earrings :)
and then you not only have an excellent lesson in seminary, but you also go to the temple with some of your best friends, and the workers look at you funny because you can't wipe that huge grin off your face.
and then, miracle of all miracles, you somehow convince your best-est friend who is an "XXCR" (ex-cross country runner) to come running with you...say what?!
and afterwards you end up talking to some of the funniest people you've ever met. and you ride in the back of trucks while singing Nacho Libre. and then you eat snocones, even though it's a little bit freezing outside.

I mean, who does that?
oh, just the coolest people in the world, that's all.
some days are just too good to be true :)

good news - my closet doors can close again.

I finally cleaned my room tonight.

"Well carpet, it's nice to meet you again! Since I haven't seen a full square inch of you since school started!"

just ask the almost-cat-lady

a long time ago in a galaxy not too far away from here, a girl faced a problem. this problem however was unlike most other problems. it wasn’t with other people - it was against herself, her heart versus her head. and sometimes, that can be the worst kind of problem.

she and her bestest friend both quite agreed that “boys are just frustrating a lot” (if you try to work that sentence into proper english...well, take my word for it and just don’t). 

this girl struggled with an almost-cat-lady un-romance. 

you see, she wasn’t a true cat lady. this was not because she did not have any cats (though indeed she didn't), but because her fortune had been somewhat better than other known cat ladies. however, she still felt many of the pains of a true cat lady, and therefore can be classified as an almost-cat-lady.

it was definitely an un-romance because she didn’t really like this boy...only kind of. and yes, there is a difference between liking someone and kind of liking someone. just ask the almost-cat-lady.

survive or thrive

it's like this.

sometimes I feel like I have this whole huge waterfall inside of me wanting to come out, like I just want to pour my whole soul out on the page. but the I sit down and the raging torrent slows to a drizzle and then a trickle, until soon it's no more than a dry creek bed, dry like the desert. but the ocean is a desert with it's life under ground so how do I find the life I've been looking for?

and then I remember that life is busy, but hasn't it always been busy? and I look forward to that day when I can finally slow down and think, until I realize that it probably won't ever come because things keep going faster and faster and faster. can i go as fast as light? everything around me sure thinks it can.

but what about being happy? not the world kind of happy - that's just happy. but real happiness? that's what matters. and it's the people that matter not the things. and loving and giving and laughing and learning. and can you make yourself intelligent? cause i sure am trying hard but I feel like I'm running around in circles and hitting the same cement walls every time. and Jane Austen sure doesn't think so. why can't I just be Elizabeth? witty, sarcastic, but hey, she gets the boy. or Jane would be good too; to have your looks just automatically compensate for anything else. sure she is sensible and accomplished, but smart? that's up to personal interpretation. but Mary. Mary just kinda gets picked on. She tries so hard to learn and be intelligent, yet she is always shunted to the side, quietly laughed at by all the others.

Me?
I'm trying.
is it working?
I wish.

can you teach yourself to be intelligent?

have my cement barriers just pushed me down into a desert I didn't expect and now I just need to find my ocean with my real life underground? I think the point of life is to get a life, a real one. so where is it? is it found in all of the running and driving and homework and chores and work and exhaustion and standardized tests that I find myself wrapped up in?

"If you win the rat race, you're still a rat."

[I tried to find a nice quote or a picture that would sum up how I feel, but nothing quite fits my thoughts....no surprise. my mind is kind of like a tangled up ball of yarn that just kind of keeps turning and weaving all over the place with no beginning or end. so instead I chose a quote by Mr Darcy because he is oh-so-incredible.]

Oh Mr Darcy, where are you in real life? 

"All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough. It is so easy to waste our lives: our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of the azaleas, the sheen of the limestone on Fifth Avenue, the color of our kid's eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of live." - Anna Quindlen

the best-est

Snoasis, mac & cheese, spontaneous adventures, and best friend talks.

What could be much better than that? :)

Hey best friend? 

You're the best-est. 

EVER. 

:)

Thirty Seconds

Have you ever stopped to think about the miracle of perfect timing?

How if you had walked down that other hallway you usually go in you would have missed the person that you really needed to talk to that day who just happened to walk past.
Or if you had gone to your regular ward that Sunday you wouldn't have been able to see your old friends from ten years ago.
Or if you pushed the gas pedal a split second earlier, you could have been in a car wreck.
Or if you had walked away thirty seconds earlier you would have missed the door opening - both the figurative door of opportunity and the literal door to the place where you truly needed to be.

It's a good thing there is Someone who is watching out for me - He really knew what I needed today, I and even though it seemed impossible...well, I just need to remember that nothing is really impossible to Him.

So Brother Connelly? Thanks. I realize I probably spelled your name wrong. To be honest I don't even remember what you look like. And the chances of us meeting again? Practically zero. But please know that you were truly an answer to my prayer - blessings are definitely going to be zooming your way!

I don't know what made you walk out at that exact time, or what made us stand there for those extra few seconds, but it most definitely was not an accident. Lucky? Nope, I'd prefer blessed :)

You can see His hand in everything if only you'll take the time to open up your eyes and look. 

Happy Birthday Momma!

You're the best ever :) 

Confessions of a Teenage Nerd

Only 5 textbooks this year...success!
And even better? They are all skinny - no huge fat ones that are like a million pounds.
Like I said...success!
When the lady handed them to me I was so excited to have such "good" textbooks this year that I said "Yes! Less than last year! I thought I would have a ton but this is so great!"...the lady gave me the weirdest look :)

.....

It's kind of funny. Teenagers have like a "list" of proper conversation topics for when they talk to an acquaintance, or in other words, "that one kid from that one class that one year."
During the school year it is all about 1) your last class; 2) how hungry/tired/busy you are; 3) how frustrating your teachers are; or 4) the most exciting upcoming even at school (dances, football games, etc.).
However, during the summer, the "lists" kind of change to either 1) how your summer has been or 2) how fast school is approaching.
In the past week or so, I feel like I have discussed the coming of school too much....way too much. Everyone always talks about how much they are dreading it and how fast summer went and how they hate school and don't want it to start...and on and on and on.
I admit that if you had asked me a week or two ago, that would have been my response. But lately, my "inner nerd-ness" has come out. And you know what? I am excited for school to start.
Let me repeat that.
I am excited for school to start! 
I have the best schedule in the world - difficult, but it's going to be so great! For once it is mostly stuff that I want to take, not requirements and such.
The classes I'm in aren't the type of classes where the teachers sit around saying "Alright, how much useless class work can we stuff down their throats? How many work sheets can we get through this week?" 
Nope. That is not how mine are. This is really going to be learning and doing and asking and soaking up information - I can't wait :)
Not that I wouldn't pass up a few more weeks of summer, and it's definitely going to be an adjustment to actually have to get ready every single day, but I think this change will be good.
But....if you ask me in a week? I will definitely be wanting summer back :)

It's the Final Countdown!

one week till school starts.

one week till I'm old.

one week till bell schedules and class schedules and normal schedules.

one week till homework.

one week till heavy backpacks.

one week till early mornings.

one week till friends talking in the hallways.

one week till teachers.

one week till obnoxious peers.

one week till being surrounded by amazing examples.

one week till hallways and lockers and textbooks.

just one more week.

Family Humor in the Uintas

We just got back from the Uintas today - so great!
I guess camping really brings out the humorous side in my family because we were really funny, if I do say so myself :) Definitely lots of funny moments!

Here are a few of my favorites...
(and if they aren't that funny to you, just know that in the moment, they were hilarious!)

As we were on our first hike, Weston caught up to me and said "Hey Ash, keep your eyes open for dinosaurs, k?" Reese and Lewis love to convince him that they've found real dinosaur tracks and eggs, and even though Westy is at first pretty skeptical, he eventually gets taken in...well, obviously he gets taken in if he is asking his sister to keep her eyes open! :)

Later on during that hike a mountain rainstorm set in. Luckily we made it to the lake and got under some "natural umbrellas", aka trees, but they were pretty spotty. As we were standing there with the rain pouring down and the thunder rumbling around us, my Mom said "Alright, we're going to have a lesson on wilderness survival!"
Reese's response: "Mom, we're less than a mile from the car."

At the top of our second hike we were sitting at Bourbon lake enjoying the silence (...until my brothers got there of course - then all the yelling and typical boy-crazy-loudness started!). All of a sudden Aaron points to the other side of the relatively small lake and goes "whoa!! there's some dude over there!"
"...um Aaron, that's Grandpa" :) 

Lewis loved to pull the BlueTooth prank...
     Lew: "What's for dinner tonight?
     Mom: "Lasagna."
     Lew: "What was that? ...oh sorry, I was on my BlueTooth."
{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooxTIF98_lQ}

And of course there were lots of
"Would you look at that!"s
{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF8GhC-T_Mo}
and
"What's that in the weeds? It's a ____ - AWESOME!"
{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5Lmkm5EF5E}
and
"Score, look at that Aspen! You can tell it's an Aspen because of the way it is." {http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hm3JodBR-vs}

...oh yes, my family is just hilarious :)

picture this...

walking into Walmart at 10 o'clock at night smelling like smoke....dutch oven/briquet smoke that is.

just perfect.

[yes, that last part was sarcastic.]

but don't worry. it was totally worth it because I now have my very own set of tie-dye equipment. 

win. :)

and I know I already posted this one, but it describes my life so well right now...

you only live once. so why would you want to miss out on night time Walmart adventures?

[yes, that last part was definitely sarcastic!]

me

I'm a pretty list-y person, and today was no exception.

This morning after I got home from Mission Prep (which starts at a bright-and-early 7:30 am), I took a  Sunday morning nap.
As much as I try to not make them habitual, it is kind of necessary after staying up till 2:45 am on a Friday night playing games with your hilarious aunts, uncles, and cousins -- then again, almost anything is hilarious at that time of night!

After I woke up, I just kinda laid in bed and thought.
Note to self: laying in a comfy bed with sunlight shining through your window is a great place to do some serious thinking.
I started to think about me - where I'm at right now, what is coming up in these next few weeks, what I want to become.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely like myself all right. But at the same time, I don't want to stay the me that I am right now forever. I'd miss the point of life.
It is so intriguing to me to look back and see how I used to be and see how much I've changed, or even how much I haven't changed.

The thing is, there is so much I want to do and become. I feel like there is this huge chasm between Junior year in high school and Freshman year in college - it's called Senior year.
Somehow I have to span it, but it's completely up to me how it do it. Do I sprout wings and fly across? Do I build a bridge or do I trip to the bottom?
I don't want to look back at this year as a waste of my time, but I don't want to work myself so much to death that I miss out on the fun and the memories and the friends.

Basically, I'm afraid to do it wrong. But if I let these fears consume me, then I will do it wrong.

So. That's why I made my lists today.

I took a look at me.
I took a look at the people that I admire. The people who look like they are at the places that I want to be, the people who have the qualities that I want to have.
I read some of the quotes on my wall that inspire me to be better.

I thought about the me I'm going to be in two years - is that what I want?
By what I'm doing now, am I getting what I want? And not just getting what I want -- am I in those places so that my Heavenly Father can shape me into what He wants?

And then, I made my list.

I wrote down things I want to have done, qualities I want to have, places I want to have been.
Because I've learned that any goal not written down is merely a wish.
Is my future me a wish? No, it will be a reality.

And now you might be wondering....am I going to tell you my list for the future me?

Nope :)

But in July of 2014, if you still know me, come and talk to me. See if I'm different. See if you can tell what my list was.

Because I am going to use these next two years of my life to make me better than I am now.
Because while I like the me I am today, it is not the me that I want to be forever.

And when I become that new me, it'll simply be time to make another list.
Because after all, lists are what I do best :)

happy :)

Sometimes I like to wear sweats and t-shirts and listen to Phil Collins.

Just kidding.

It's pretty much an all of the time kind of thing :)

Sometimes I love the feeling of wet hair down my back.

It's relaxing. Refreshing. Real.

And you know what?

Being real is the best thing to be in this beautiful world.

You should try it sometime.

my life in a nutshell.

when was the last time I wasn't sleep deprived?

oh yeah....never.

:) 

good thing I've got all these great memories to look back on and love!